I told you I’ve been seeking it
I told you I’d have filled you in
I too, told you that I’d have mentioned
If it wasn’t for my corresponding self
I expressed it
You had an inkling
You dialed twice before I reacted
Yet you provided comfort without hesitation
All these dreams.. SIGH. Are you going to appear in my life already or what. HURRY UP.
"You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself."
"Remind yourself to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way."
The biggest demons you’ll ever fight, are your own.
Your own thoughts are what builds up the anger that eats your rational mind away.
It’s been a bad week, and I’m aware of how I’ve been silently struggling to keep my own emotion in check, to calm my own poisonous thoughts down. You know what? Scrap that. I’ll be utterly honest, it’s been an extremely horrendous week and it’s getting very grueling to remember what it’s like without a black mist cast over my head.
I’m at least somewhat glad I still have that little bit of fire that burns enough for me to persistently remind myself that I shouldn’t be thinking this way. That positivity in myself shouldn’t die this way.
It’s draining. So very onerous. & no, I’m very much emotionally stable. It’s just been such an immensely miserable week (probably the consequence of my own thoughts) that I feel so wretched.
The more I step away, the more I realize what a fool I was.
And again, am I glad that it didn’t happen.
What angers me is that people assume that you’ll be fine with everything.
I help you once, you ask for more. I help you again, you start losing your respect. It’s as if the more I help you, the less thankful you become.
Please. Don’t over do it.
I don’t know what is this that I feel
Make it stop
You know how they always say that you know someone is special if you find yourself wishing that particular person would be there to experience everything with you?
I’ve been there myself. Times when I wished that he could’ve caught that movie with me. That he could’ve been at that place with me. That he could’ve been here right now just simply lazing about with me.
He wasn’t just one guy, there were maybe 2 or 3 of them. As time passes and they change, from one face to another, one height to another, one name to the other. But they were always the same longing, silent wishing.
For the past few weeks, maybe months, I realized.. None. I don’t picture myself with anyone anymore. I’m okay with being there myself, I’m okay with being there with whoever I was there with. It’s not as if I’m bursting with exuberant of giddiness all the time. No.
It’s just.. Time simply passes. There’s no negative, there’s no positive. Just balance. It’s that good? Maybe. Maybe not. You just move on, day to day, accepting whatever that comes. I guess you’d say, life becomes less tiring.
Of course, I wouldn’t exactly say I don’t long for anyone. (Or as my friends would say “You mean anyTHING”) I will always definitely be wishing that p&e could follow me everywhere, YAY
I don’t cry at every sad scene of a movie, I don’t cry at every sad chapter of a book. I cry because I relate.
I can cry over the quietest sentence of an irrelevant character, when others simply skim over it. I can cry as much as others over a scene that silently chokes everybody. I cry because I think I understand what they’re feeling. But I can too, sit there without a single hint of sadness whilst everyone is heaving, because I simply do not understand how it feels to be in the character’s shoes.
I drop my big fat droplet of tears when the character sobs over something I’ve never dared to cry over. It’s as if these characters, these books, are what that allows me to accept how I’m really feeling, how I’m really thinking at times. They’re the things that I use as a cover to let the weakness I hate show.
I guess that’s good.
They always say it’s not good to bottle things up.